Nonfiction - Page 6

A Contradiction in Itself

Áron Antal


The past few days were sunny and warm. And yet, no matter how much I would love to go outside, my being ill doesn’t let me do so. The same situation has happened to me twice this month, although the first occasion wasn’t as serious as this. Isn’t this interesting? A man with an immune system of two or three times his age, who has never been to a hospital in his life, except the time he was born, a man who hasn’t had any serious illnesses in four years, catches the common cold twice in a month, and this annoys me. Why? God knows why. But this surely is a contradiction.

I think everyone in their life felt at one point or another a sort of pleasant pain. If you would like to explain to an alien race what pleasent pain is, I’m sure they couldn’t understand. The concept of pleasant pain is a contradiction, yet we experience it quite often, for example via relief.

When a couple in a movie breaks up, we often hear the phrase: “I love you, but we are not meant for each other.” This is also a contradiction, but this one doesn’t make nearly as much sense as pleasant pain.

The point is that contradictions surround us, and are essential to a certain point, because they add a certain mystery, something that will force you to think about them. The problem is that our society today is a contradiction in itself. It has become a part of our life, a tool for a lot of people. Social media sends you the message that you should be perfect, you should be beautiful, a perfect housewife or businessman. The expectations are way higher than anyone can reach, so people try to “make the best” out of themselves. They show that they are always well prepared, never tired, always smiling, never dull and do some sports on a daily basis, summarized: they are perfect. And because most people think the same way, they believe it. The truth is; no one is perfect. The models on TV aren’t perfect. YOU aren’t perfect. And the most valuable people are those strong enough to show that they are not perfect and won’t stand in the line to reach the unreachable. Those are perfect, who are imperfect. What’s disappointing is that the perfection-chasers don’t realize that they are chasing a false dream, and even if you tried to convince them, they would either get mad at you, or would stay unpersuaded, because they live in the sun of popular approval.

Today’s society is built on false impressions, because the people who belong to it are false impressions themselves, and that’s why it’s rotting. I realised these types of people annoy me the most in life, those who are pretenders and hypocrites at the same time.

Now, you probably agree with what I said, but is that what you really think, or is that what you would like to think? I’m not saying that you are one of them. You have to decide….

The Wall

Zsófia Szabina Gávris


Have you ever wondered about a Wall? A Wall which separates humanity from living a peaceful and self-developing life?

Humanity has reached a point where other people’s lives and problems are more important than one’s own. We, humans, can no longer concentrate only on our own lives and our own business. Everybody gossips and spreads rumours about other people. Some even stalk on social media or in real life. Humans nowadays have a need to be part of others’ lives. People feel compelled to criticise and estimate others’ looks, acts and opinions. Envy, hatred, evil and malice have unfortunately replaced love, respect, support and loyalty.

The Wall I am talking about consists of the aforementioned characteristics and, sadly, many more besides. The way I see it, for some reason humans are not able to climb this wall or jump over it. To be more precise, I suppose most of the people don’t even try. Besides, for the masses it is too important to be involved in others’ lives.

It would mean a great step forward if humans focused on themselves. If people were more conscious of their own life, own business, and own problems, our world could be a much better one to live in. Self-improvement and self-development should be a priority in our society. Yet these are on the other side of The Wall.  I strongly believe that one day humans will treat each other with love, kindness and respect.

To summarise my thoughts, The Wall of society is yet to be jumped over, but with a different mentality our social culture could do this and more.

Transparent Minds, Transparent Dreams

Zeynep Cicimen


Sometimes it sounds impossible to see the other side; you just feel what happens there.You trust these feelings and the ideas come into your mind. This makes you feel like you are stuck in the middle of everything: it’s the only way to have a point of view and judge. Yes, our brains need to judge; we have to find a point of view, a mechanism  we can hide behind to come through with all the circumstances offered by “life.” We all build walls in our minds. I build a wall that separates me from my-real-self; my pure feelings, my emotions from my mind. You build a wall with the intention of running away from other people’s decisions, to have the right to say a couple of phrases about your own lifestyle, but you still can’t find your dreams in your mind, wherever you put them before, because “a wall” exists there. You have already forgotten how to find the “real you” in yourself while developing a solid system, “a wall,” to protect yourself; to prove your existence in the world, to show them you leave a trace behind you while passing through changes. Even if that wall were transparent, you wouldn’t have been capable of observing every detail, of hearing every single voice coming from your heart, from your desires. At this point, it’s not an ordinary wall anymore. It is time to say “the wall” right now.

The Wall”

Which is between you and your-other-self.

Non-transparent, transparent, soft, solid, judgy, isolating, limiting.

Which retains its own existence despite every situation. It has the strange potential to let you into the arms of loneliness while making you feel safe and protected.

You have already constructed “the wall” between yourself and your emotions.

Inner Wall”

You don’t have the freedom of choosing what to feel; you start to feel whatever you should. Now, there is quite a long distance between your mind and your dreams. As if that were not enough, you can’t see any signboards showing you how many kilometers are left to arrive to yourself, to reach your dreams; to learn where they hide at least. At that point, you have nothing to put into words and no right to confess. All the opinions, the opportunities, the points of view, the mechanisms which protected you (or instead, you pretended they did) and every single confession are blocked. The “Inner Wall” is exactly like “the other side of the Moon.” You can’t see “a part of yourself”; maybe your perceptions aren’t sufficient, they are not designed for defining that unusual thing which is standing there without impairing your integrity (actually it is but you can’t perceive it). Here is the other option: it is your choice whether you are able to see it or not. You reject the other side instinctively: this is your approach of coping with life, of surviving against the conditions, of staying in your own magic. Despite everything, you keep the probability of an “nonexistent wall” in your mind. You had placed it wherever you wanted, which means you are able to demolish it as well. You don’t have to abandon yourself to take a sneak peek at “the other side.” The thing which horrifies you right now is the meaning you attributed to “the wall.” A little whisper of the dilemma: You can’t decide if you want to make a connection with your-other-self or not; but it is obvious that you don’t want to leave this side completely, to break the invisible chain. Perhaps, that’s why “the wall” exists. “The reality you don’t want to get rid of.”

Childhood. Remember all those colourful swings between your first deep breath and the last one. ”The hide-and-seek,” no waiting for the count, catch your-other-self before it hides. Remember that your dreams are transparent, as well as your mind. They suddenly appear in every single minute of your life. The thing you are frightened of getting lost inside is the thing you are frightened of losing the most.

Maybe right now, you and your-other-self are sitting exactly in the same alignment, leaned back against “the wall,” both parts of your heart finding their matches, that voice of a click; they are completing each other softly, “both parts of you” waiting quietly for the end of the storm.

Beyond Walls

Selin Yelten


Look to your left and then your right. You are probably sitting in a room, surrounded by four walls, more or less. Secured, ordinary and banal. The walls are separating you from other rooms. This room might be in your house or in your workplace. You have your borders to let you focus on whatever you are doing. But why do we need this ? We are all hiding behind walls. We not only hide our actions from other people, but we also hide ourselves from others. 

From the beginning of life one of our main vital needs is shelter. The basic idea of shelter is to have protection from weather and other living creatures. So whether it is mud or brick, there are walls that serve as a protection mechanism. Over time, shelters started to get divided by walls for each individual. These separations are important for personal space. Once upon a time, it was for avoiding animals; nowadays, I believe that the main reason is to avoid people, including ourselves. We enter our rooms and do whatever we want. Room has a significant meaning in here. It symbolizes our own utopia or dystopia. It might be where our biggest nightmares happen or where we dream of the best and feel free.  Let’s think about it. You are at home: When your phone rings, what do you do? You go to your room. When you want to cry, what do you do? You go to your room. When you feel disturbed by other members in the house, what do you do? You go to your room. When you want to gossip about someone, what do you do? You, instinctively, go to your room, where you feel secluded. You feel like whatever happens inside those four walls will stay inside them. Gossip, sexual activities, emotions, secrets….

Each of us has many secrets. Even we might not know what we are hiding, because it could be deep down in our minds. Some of the secrets are highly secured, some of them are just trying to be kept away from those concerned. Walls are a great method to stash away unheard words that must stay unspoken. For example, there are so many walls in a government building. Why are their architectural structures  not simpler? They could have been simpler, but they must not be, because the data has to be protected and kept away from people. If those walls were not there, we could have access to the files and to people. They are hiding, they are refusing to face the people they have affected. They are avoiding seeing the damage they have done. Another example is what happens inside houses. Family secrets are buried in houses. Who would hear if you were living ten meters away from the next-door neighbour and you were shouting at, insulting or hitting an individual that you share your house with? Those walls are where most childhood traumas are trapped. Parents come home and have anger outbursts. Kids come home and pour out their school problems to their parents. But then the heartbreaking conversations and actions begin  behind four walls, and nobody’s soul hears from outside, the real world, where we act as if everything is alright, where we are the actual Hollywood stars.  Walls in houses have multifaceted functions. They create both a safe and independent reunion area and a war area where we reflect the darkest sides of our souls. So we can say walls are a concrete border between our minds, but when we start to integrate into each other’s lives, walls start to disappear and let us see into others’ darkness. “You are confined only by the walls you build yourself.” It is a quote that promotes my thoughts, and it pushes me to think further: that our walls are prisons that we create for ourselves and that there are some free-souled people out there who cannot stand staying confined inside of them. So, we call them thrillseekers instead of happy people, just because they refuse to obey our own boundaries; they realize that true happiness is outside, in nature, where there are still boundaries but luckily not made by humans.

The Walls Who Spoke

Roza Kaplan


When I was a little girl, I spent weekdays at my grandparents’ house, as my parents had to work. The house was on a slope leading to the top of the highest hill on the island. In the sleepless nights, I watched the city lights beyond the dark sea, leaning against the cold walls. The cold blue walls.

I remember the day they were painted, they were once pink. Pink like strawberry candy. 

I put my ears on the walls and tried to hear the neighbors talking, a vase falling, a door creaking, a phone ringing. I was drawn to the secrets kept by the cold blue walls. I wished to be able to see beyond the walls. The hypocrite walls. Separating people and keeping secrets. 

At that time I didn’t know that I would want to have my own walls in a few years. A room with walls. My walls, my way to hide from the rest of the world. To be free. 

My grandmother talked to herself. She always had something to do in the kitchen. And she always talked. To someone who wasn’t there. To the walls. She talked about her childhood, her memories, her friends, her happiness and her sorrows. The walls had souls. They had names that no one knew but I.

I was seven years old. There were seven parallel universes. There were seven different versions of me in each universe. In those seven parallel universes, each word had seven different meanings. 

There were forty-nine different meanings of “walls.”

I knew all of them. 

Then I grew up. 

There were five definitions of “wall” in the dictionary. “Wall” had five meanings. There was only one universe, the one in which the only version of me lived.

Then I grew up a bit more.

I remember geography classes from elementary school. Turkey is an earthquake zone. 

I remember my parents, grandparents, that man I met in public transport, the elderly lady at the bakery, the neighbor of my aunt … with the bitter expression of people who can’t forget … faces buried in the past, heartbeats of terror … while they were telling me of that day in 1999. And what it had taken from them. Who it had taken from them. 

There was a huge earthquake in a little city near İstanbul. 

Thousands of deaths. Beneath the walls.

They were killed by the walls that had been built to protect them. 

When I was seven years old and when there were seven parallel universes,

I thought that the walls were liars. 
Then I grew up.
At first, I thought that people were lying to themselves about the walls protecting them. 
Then I grew up a bit more. 
I wonder if there is a simple unique reality. 

Borderless Walls

Naz Arpacı


I haven’t heard the phrase ‘safe and sound’ in a long time; things are slowly getting worse as time goes on. As the problems boost, walls begin to rise up, not only between people but also between countries. Demanding power, people have changed our world to a brutal battlefield where some must be downtrodden and exploited. 

Living in different countries was my milestone; I was able to see Europe and the Middle East through distinct eyes and viewpoints. Realizing the culture conflict, the hatred, the misunderstandings, and much more with my entire being, I learned to ask myself the right questions: what was missing from this world, what caused all this conflict and all this hate? The answer to those reflections was ‘the wall’; walls were the real barrier between souls. People need to understand and acknowledge that our time in this world is limited; why not live without greed, without fear, without grudge? While speaking to someone, I always think twice before saying anything, to filter my thoughts. People who ‘fire from the hip’ cause the walls to rise even higher day after day; I am afraid that we won’t be able to see the sky, seeing only what lies before us.    

In the past, the border walls were built for military purposes and to maintain the territory against threats; they had a concrete meaning between two countries. However, in the present, the border walls are usually built to separate two opposing ideologies (in politics, culture, economy and military), attributing an abstract meaning. Although the purposes are changing gradually over time, border walls continue to be the consequence of international relations. Hearing the word ‘wall’ on the news or anywhere else makes me uncomfortable. Slowly this discomfort turns into pessimism; whereas the walls should be shattered and bridges should be erected, I see the opposite taking place. In Joseph Fort Newton’s words, “Men build too many walls and not enough bridges.”

Your Castle’s Wall

Başak Ünal


A high thick masonry structure forming a long rampart or an enclosure chiefly for defense. — That’s the definition of the word “wall” according to Merriam Webster. When I first saw the definition five minutes ago, there was only one thing that made me pause for a second: “for defense.” 

People are like castles. In their early years, they haven’t yet faced any real dangers and thus don’t know how to defend themselves. They usually don’t have to, either. These times are spent in peace and order. If they get used to comfort and behave carelessly, they will be left vulnerable. They’ll get hurt…. Everything is permissible in war and human relations. The more vulnerable you are, the more you attract the enemy. The more you bleed, the more you pull the vampire. 

At this point, the similarity between a person and a castle can amaze you because they also defend against outsiders in the same way: by building a wall. Of course, the wall’s strength may vary depending on its material, how badly you are hurt, its foundation, etc. Our human or castle is now ready for the next battle. 

What are the advantages of building a wall? First, it provides a highly reliable protection during a war (or in a relationship, but that might be unnecessary to mention, as they are basically the same thing). Second, it is a deterrent against the enemy and prevents them from attacking. As the blood attracts the vampire, a stake can also keep it at bay. The wall makes you feel safe even when you are not under attack. 

The castle was innocent. Someone attacked. It was damaged. Walls were built. The enemy attacked again. The castle defended itself. The attack failed. Now what? The walls will have no use anymore but also can’t be undone. Not only because it is almost impossible physically, but also because they will be needed when the next enemy comes. If you enclose the castle without a gap, no evil can go through the walls and hurt you. Of course evil isn’t the only thing that can’t go through those walls. The problem starts here. While you are safe between the four walls (or round walls) of the castle, you lock yourself there. Congratulations, you are now a very safe prisoner. 

The only understandable means of escape is putting a door in your walls. It may seem simple, but I assure you, it is not. Where do you put the keys? If you can reach them, evil can too. When do you open that door? Is it safe? Do you think it is rational to open it? What is rational?  How can you say if someone will betray you? What if they are the love of your life and you’ll miss the opportunity because of your trust issues? Well, what is trust? How can you trust someone? Do you feel safe? Are you feeling paranoid? Maybe you have the right to be paranoid. Is this a mental illness? How about checking a therapist, now that could help. Do you really want to give your keys to a stranger? Let’s stay inside for now. Let’s get rid of the keys. Let’s remove the door. Let’s pour more concrete. That’s better.  

Perfection

Áron Antal


The Wall of Berlin was demolished in 1989; it was demolished by the enormous crowd gathered around the two sides of the wall, the curtain that separated Europe into two totally different parts, both of whom wanted to reunite. Because of all the people who reunited at those moments when the walls were falling down, the joy in the tears of thousands and thousands of people, at a reunion so huge, the guards couldn’t do anything but join the revolt, and sing with the crowd as the heavy concrete blocks were crashing to the ground, falling to pieces so as to resemble the fall of the Soviet Union. To destroy the structure that had destroyed many lives, and to commemorate those who could escape the “imprisonment” by any means, even if they had to give their life as the passport. It was a beautiful day, to see the hundreds of Wartburgs, Trabants and Ladas rolling to the other side, to freedom. On that day, people, the crowd showed that the common man, if organised and led by a common will, could cause the fall of one of the biggest nations at the time. And who would have thought that the destruction of the wall would lead to the fall of the castle?

But nowadays, people don’t realise how powerful they could be, and what big changes they could make to the world. Nowadays, people try to think that they live in an ideological world, where everything is available and must be. That has made people harmless towards the influence of leaders and dictators, and care-free towards other human beings and social norms and responsibilities. Why help someone stuck in the mud, when my hands will get dirty? Why do anything if I can live a perfect life and I can have anything; as my government says: Consume! Things will give you happiness! You will be happy, because you can have everything, and they, the upper 10,000, will be happy because they made you think that by giving them your income, you will be happy! Consume while you can, because at some point, they will consume you! You will be dependent on what you buy, and they will rule this world, because they will have everything!

Today’s social ideology is that if you do not succeed on others’ terms, you are nothing. If you’re not perfect in every way possible, you are worthless. If you don’t have the perfect body, the perfect lover, the perfect house, car, and a lot of money, you are worthless. Miss out on the real beauties of life, because if not, you will be worthless. Why go on trips, enjoy your meals, watch as the sun rises, and just wonder about your own existence on a sunny summer afternoon, if you could study and work the hell out of your soul to live the perfect life? You can only achieve perfection if you don’t think; instead, let others think about what is good for you. You must never be satisfied with yourself, because constant self-improvement, towards that unreachable goal that social expectations set for you, is the true key to The Perfection.

People today are not measured by their soul, but by their wealth and their appearance. If that had been the case in 1989, that wall would still be standing where it stood.

The Problem with BLM Movements in Hungary

Szabina Tamara Da Cunha Carvalho


In 2020 a renewed wave of protests broke out in the United States with the aim of spreading awareness about social injustices against people of color in the country and bringing about major changes. The massive movements were first provoked by the murder of George Floyd, an African American man suffocated by a police officer’s knee. The case was not unprecedented; however, a video recording was made of the incident and uploaded to the internet. It is not surprising that the visual proof of such a brutal killing shocked and outraged many people, and not only in the States. Movements in support of Black Lives Matter have arisen around the world, including in Hungary. But are they productive?

Black people in America have a history that the country is not proud to look back at. The institution of slavery was only abolished in 1865, after a civil war that took hundreds of thousands of lives, only to be succeeded by a century of strict racial segregation. By 1965 (only 55 years ago) the country finally truly complied with its own constitution, and granted equal laws for all of its citizens, no matter their race. But as one would imagine, transition in practice is not smooth at all. Black people still face discrimination on a daily basis: no equal opportunities in terms of schooling and jobs, lower living standards — not to mention stereotypes and prejudice that are deeply rooted in societies and cannot be eliminated from one day to the next. Oftentimes such prejudice leads to unfair treatment from not only individuals, but also large institutions — like the police.

Now let us look at racism in a much smaller, European country: Hungary. According to a survey conducted in 2016*, about 53% of Hungarians are xenophobic, even though many Hungarians think of their people in general as “vendégszerető”, meaning “loving of guests” and, all in all, welcoming and eager to befriend newcomers. But what if the newcomer is not only a guest, but someone permanently residing in the country? What if this person is planning to steal our job? And most importantly, what if the person’s skin is darker than ours? Well, it is certain that this person is armed with bombs and could blow us up any second. At any rate, that’s what the right-wing government propagated for years during the European migrant crisis. In truth, most Hungarians (outside of Budapest) have not yet encountered people from the Middle East or Africa. So, if a black person were to walk through a village, all eyes would be upon them, but solely out of unveiled curiosity and shock. If a 75-year-old lady were to call them Satan himself, it would most likely be a result of folklore and being of an older generation who has only seen white people. Unless the lady were truly xenophobic, she would probably offer the black person some gulyás and be nice to them, after getting to know them. This is not to say that calling someone the devil and calling them out for their race is acceptable, but such incidents are not worth taking seriously. In contrast, the incoming wave of immigrants to Europe and the surrounding deterrent campaign has had a great impact on Hungarians, hence the drastic shift in the percentage of xenophobic people in the country (moreover, the propaganda was primarily aimed at people of Muslim faith, who are often associated with darker skin colors). Yet even this affects few individuals in Hungary itself.

If we talk exclusively about black people, very few of them choose to live in Hungary, and of those that do, the majority reside in Budapest (not a high number of them here either). Budapest, being the capital and by far the largest city with its two million inhabitants, is far ahead of the rest of the country: a diverse and much more accepting place in terms of ethnicities. Thus discrimination based on origin is uncommon there. The number of non-white, non-Hungarian people in other Hungarian settlements is so small, that institutional differentiation against them is unable to become large-scale or a significant problem, even if the inhabitants are far less tolerant than those in Budapest.

This, however, is absolutely not the case when it comes to the situation of the Roma people. They make up for the largest ethnic minority in Hungary, and everyone is familiar with them. If Hungarians are serious about addressing racism in the country, tackling Roma conditions and relations must be a priority for them.

The BLM movements of the USA have never been greater than this year, and so they had an impact on many other countries with or without black minorities. Protests broke out across Europe as well, and Hungarians soon joined in. In the summer of 2020, about a thousand people gathered for a peaceful demonstration in front of the US Embassy of Budapest. 

The primary aim of the movements is to bring fundamental changes to a faulty system. What was the aim of the Hungarian demonstration? To try to have an impact on the government of the country where it all started, to try to make a change in American politics and everyday life? Or to alter the Hungarian system’s way of treating black people? Naturally, both would be noble goals, though not very achievable, nor—arguably—too relevant to an average Hungarian. A third reason for these gatherings remains the likeliest and most logical possibility: people wanted to show solidarity for the protesters trying to bring actual changes. Thus the “Black Lives Matter” signs and the BLM-themed Artwork in the 9th District—a nice gesture of sympathy. 

So, which of these reasons predominates? The paramount goal of the movements’ participants must not have been the expression of solidarity (after all, many terrible, constant things are present in the world, even closer to us than America, that people do not go on the streets for). So trying to open people’s eyes and making a difference remains as the primary aim. If that is the case, why do these people not protest for the equality of Roma people? Why wouldn’t these people try to help them obtain equality in employment opportunities or, more importantly, help Roma children get proper education, if they are so keen on bringing social justice? Segregation of these kids is an everyday phenomenon in Hungarian education, beginning in first grade, even though it is looked upon by everyone as something normal. How does one acknowledge racism against black people in the United States but not realize how flawed the situation of Roma people in one’s own country is? Speaking in general, Hungarians oftentimes have a reason to be scared of gypsies, as the Roma people have a reputation, often justified, for being uneducated and aggressive. However, this is largely a result of a decades-long marginalization. They often face derogatory treatment from others and are deprived of proper quality education from an early age. A cycle like this is hard to break out of, and so is defying the expectations.

People go around assuming gypsies’ inferiority all day, just to go home and share a post about racial discrimination in the U.S. in their Instagram story and feel proud for “raising awareness”. Here’s the point: Black Lives Matter movements have become something trendy and ubiquitous, something to hop on, something to show how socially aware you are; perhaps most importantly, they are something American. It has become pretentious and attention-seeking to claim to be fighting for social justice, because being a social justice warrior nowadays is just like wearing the most recently stylish outfits: incredibly popular and just a trend. Following a trend with good intent behind it is not harmful — but ignoring actual problems in your own country is.

* https://www.tarki.hu/hu/news/2016/kitekint/20160330_refugees.pdf

There’s a Book That Everyone Knows

Petra Varga


There’s a book that everyone knows… The Little Prince. Someone once said, “A characteristic of the classics is that you read them a thousand times and always find something new in them.”

I have been reading this book every year since I was six. I remember our first meeting. It was a total catharsis for me. It made me upset.  I didn’t get answers for my questions. It just ended, and I couldn’t understand that. And that’s the point where everything started. 

I just finished it for the tenth time, and I’m still thinking about it. Its meaning is constantly changing. Year by year…. The choice is in your hand to give your own answers. To think of something else behind it. To create more and more theories.  To change your worldview because of one sentence. Is’t it incredible? It transforms the way you interpret it for yourself, but it is still  a chef-d’oeuvre for anyone anytime.

It forces you to think about life more deeply.

Recently I realised that the book is still the same after this long time.  The thing that changes is not the book, but me….      

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