Kitti Lili Tupi

It’s been dark … dark for a few minutes but it feels like eternity. As I squint my eyes, I feel some kind of pressure. It’s pretty heavy yet it feels good, at least for a couple of minutes. I am in an idyllic state. The soft touch of a fabric which has a light pink wash is actually pleasant. However, the pressure it puts on my lungs is unbearable. I try to lift up my arms to help myself, but I can’t. Suddenly I stop thinking about the pressure, time slows down, the light dims and my breath is getting slower by the second. I think about little things in life, the little butterflies in my stomach when we go up a hill and suddenly down; as I feel the butterflies I get a hit on my head. And reality hits, my life is flashing down my eyes as my heart rate drops from the sky to the floor in a matter of seconds. I start to panic, I can’t focus on breathing, I actually skip a few minutes, my thoughts feel heavy. It is like I am storing thousands of kilograms in my head while trying to remember how I used to breathe. My mouth is shut, the heavy silk is on top of it. My nose … I cant feel it, not sure if it is present or just a silly nonexistent memory that i used to have one. Suddenly I drop a few meters down my bed, the silk is all over my body. The pretty pink fabric is now lightweight, just like feathers. Now I can take deep breaths, which finally provide enough oxygen to survive. Enough to make me stay alive. I think I am in the happiest state of life; as I hold the peace of satin my heart drops once again. Now I open my eyes and can see my own room. I am in pink satin pajamas and feel like I am finally living.