On Self-Transformation

Buse Özcan

Hello everyone, my name is Buse and I’m in the fourth year of a French high school called Sainte Pulchérie in Istanbul, Turkey. Today, I am going to be speaking to you about how my life vision has changed and how my self-awareness has evolved as a result of experiences drawn from life events. Also the emotions I feel are actually the basic bricks of my life, even at the very young age as seventeen…
Life is a thing where we always make irreversible moves, as in a game. It uses our lack of experience, and we unintentionally allow it to do so. Sometimes our character is affected, and our emotions are changed by this game.
Personally, I am not afraid of changes; I feel strong enough to adapt every moment of mine to the moves of life. But what about the notion of “feeling” that I mentioned ?
If I have to talk a little about it, feelings arise from our consciousness. Every person has concealed emotions in their own hidden corner, and, I think, feelings are reflections that are transmitted to our hearts without being filtered by the mind. I am the owner of my feelings, and I am the one that allows them to affect me.
Are not my feelings the first thing that I turn to when I don’t want to accept the difficulty of the bond that I have established between heart and logic?

In fact, this is to see what I am subconsciously processing into my inner cells. I would like to pull out my self-reality, which is veiled out of the thousands of emotions I see and feel. I am sure everyone has feelings that not everyone else is aware of.
To put it even more strongly: nobody’s feelings are the same. It is just that human beings tend to adapt to the community because of their psychology. Because people grow up like that, they grow in society.
Being alone, choosing a different way, are acts of courage, courage but there can also be inner emotional and abstract pressures that block people from making decisions.

I can not say that every step or decision is taken by my logic, because my emotions are the greatest proof of my humanity. Of course, the reality that I can hear the voice of my consciousness has an impact on the decisions which I make in my life. Sometimes my feet slip from the stairs as I’m climbing and I see that I am falling down. Sometimes I even forget that this seemingly endless staircase is my life. However, I am aware that whenever I fall one step down I will go up two steps to get closer to the present. I may see what has been brought to me in my life on the third step; the steps I have climbed one by one in two, show me the trap of life.
And maybe its gift.
Nothing happens without a reason, of course. If I’m falling, I have to be on my life ladder in order to rise further.
And if I am moving forward without falling, I believe there is an underlying reason as well. How is it possible for something to happen and not have a cause?
That’s why everybody has their own timeline ladder. Everyone’s number of digits is different, and in the same way, they run out.
Could there be coincidences if everyone climbed the same steps on their own ladder in the same way? I think no. Is it not the point of intersection between the differences that we call coincidence? I think yes.
Is coincidence already an intersection waiting for us? We can think of it like this: there is a point at which two non-parallel lines will eventually intersect. Maybe one of the two people would prefer to draw circles, but when he has to move forward he will certainly hit that point.
It is also worthy to mention another point. People must, of course, read and educate themselves in order to obtain the ability to interpret. The counsel of important, valuable individuals who live or lived should be heard. But in my opinion, people ought to discover their own quotes for life. Although it is beneficial to adopt the lessons learned from previous lives, to be able to enlarge the perspective of life we should just analyze and make some resolutions. For instance, if some events are not going well for me, I believe there are things that are going positively in another way. Doesn’t the world work as antagonists on many issues ? Even some hormones in our body increase while the other ones decrease for the inner balance. This is how our life is. I believe that it is an absolute door that opens after every negativity. Although the negative event is very destructive and psychologically negative at the moment, I think we can view it with gratitude later on, since it prevented worse things from happening. And maybe the things we want to happen will not end well for us. So everything depends on my point of view, in the end. Depends on what I give a value to…
For example, if I am not happy now, isn’t it because what I value is different from what I should be satisfied with ? If I were valuable for myself and my surroundings, I would be happy right now. Finally I would like to finish my speech with a metaphoric piece.

If I were a chameleon … I think… Just a fantasy.
I think, first I would like to wear my clothes in my favorite color. In the places I have been, I would be camouflaged in the districts, like everyone else. I would paint myself to the color of the place that I’m going. Maybe I would prefer to start the day in the green of my eyes. After morning I would go black with my coffee and turn into red with my favorite skirt. Blue in the workplace I should have been; if not, oddball was an action that looked forward to me at the doorway, I know. If everyone takes on the same color at the same time, that’s because of the rules decided by the community. An individual can’t just paint the color he wants, but in his home, of course, the situation changes in private. Everyone out there imitating each other like a mirror, I would find it exhausting, it would spoil the mood. Even if I were a shade of dark red, I would immediately draw attention. A lot of attention would be required, life would eventually become a competition that I would finish without reaching the red line. Is this race really necessary?
I should never have thought of being a different color, especially in my important meetings; the moment I thought about it, I might have immediately changed. I must have forgotten to think. I don’t like being judged. I’m also a little afraid. I guess to defend against a hundred pairs of eyes that will cover me is the reason I could not find enough strength in myself yet. It was better to be everyone else, it is what I think, for years … Sometimes I would be wrapped in my chains on the way home or even just asleep; with my transparency I could wander in my dreams, in my free lands where there is no one else. The possibility of “being different” would cross my mind from time to time.
Contrary to clichés, it is creativity that will untangle our knots, I was understanding slowly. Whenever I can be in the color that I want, without the influence of the existing environment, life is worth living.
I will start a new story. I should take steps with courage, then I should paint a little, but this time I am aware of my dark mentality and before all else, I should paint it to white, then take my freedom with the colors.
Because “self-transformation” starts with being unique and brave unlike everyone else, now I am sure. Because the change starts from your inner child’s cries to you, even if you don’t want to hear.
It starts with you…
Well, why do you need to be camouflaged and unable to wear your favorite colors at any time in a life that was promised only once?
Maybe one day you will become the new author of a set of rules, who knows.

Thank you for listening.