Dorottya Turza
Enter QUINCE, BOTTOM.
QUINCE
Dear Sir Bottom, I hope you have a convincing excuse for why you called for me so unexpectedly. I spend the greater part of my time reading, but your sudden outburst kept me from the pleasure of finishing my most precious book.
BOTTOM
Good evening to you too, dear Sir Peter Quince! If I must ask where you left your manners. Is this the way you should greet such a noble and humble person as myself?
QUINCE
…My apologies for the rude behavior. If you would be so kind to tell me what is the urgency that you can not wait for the first rays of the sun.
BOTTOM
First, Peter Quince, I must say I am very surprised and a little disappointed that you of all people do not know MY trouble.
QUINCE
Dear Sir Bottom, please leave the half sentences and start what you have to say. You assume that I am a patient man, but I can tell you my forbearance is also limited. So if you could be so indulgent and grow to the point, then I would be extremely grateful.
BOTTOM
Peter Quince, I give you my word, for that which I am about to say is truly worth your time. With all my heart, I, Nick Bottom, had time to think over a lot of things. To the point where I came to the conclusion that Pyramus and Thisby is too average to be worthy of my unwordy acting skills.
QUINCE
… Excuse me?
BOTTOM
I must say the first time I came upon this piece, I indeed saw great potential in it. I wished to be a part of this magnificent play full of possibilities. My role Pyramus is an exceptional person. Not just a lover. Nor just a tragic character. His shape is free and easy. One may call him a handsome man. He dresses very well. He is very genteel, he has a good air. He has a fine presence and a noble gait. He is the statue of perfection, but he has not at all pleased me. I can hardly believe it. Why?! Why can not he satisfy me? Now I know the reason. Such a wonderful man can not be a challenge for me, because he reminds me too much of another admirable person, of myself.
QUINCE
So you should like to—
BOTTOM
If I could ask for your full attention, as I have not finished yet—
QUINCE
No! You listen to me, Nick Bottom! I believe I have heard enough to determine your problem. You wish to quit the play for the reason that it is not as challenging as you thought. But I might know how to solve this issue.
BOTTOM
I am all ears.
QUINCE
You shall act the opposite way.
BOTTOM
Ehh?! What are you saying? Such foolishness.
QUINCE
Do not be ignorant! Think of it as the surprise of the century. Just imagine it for a second. The high and mighty Pyramus is not his real self. He is a completely new man. That you could shape into this tragic lover that we could all feel sorry for. You can turn a kind, gentle nobleman into a lonely, abandoned and pathetic person. That could cause such disbelief.
BOTTOM
Peter Quince… that is brilliant! The turn that nobody suspects. I love it! A Pyramus just as pitiful as a slave girl… That’s a sight for sore eyes. With this I would make the audience fill up with tears and sobs. Now I have an idea! We shall all act differently!
QUINCE
Though ever so willing, we cannot.
BOTTOM
What prevents us?
QUINCE
It surely would be a chaos that we could not manage. If we go on the stage like that, we may pass away before the curtain is drawn.
BOTTOM
Well, there’s no accounting for taste.
Exeunt.
(Author’s note: I used English Dialogues Upon the Most Common Subjects of Life. Dr. Johann Christian Fick, 1813 to gather ideas for using the older English style in the conversation between Quince and Bottom.)