Let’s Pretend It’s Over
Léda Karmazin
It all happened last summer…
“School just ended, I can finally do whatever I want,” I thought to myself. I can hang out with friends all day, every day. I can tan until my skin is golden brown. I will max out this summer with my friends, and it will be unforgettable.
Soon after, I got a phone call.
It was from my mom. “Léda, you must go to work this summer because we can’t pay for all your needs.”
I put the phone down, raging that she had just ruined my summer. But she was right, I needed to work. I had never actually had a job before, and besides, I needed cute clothes for summer.
One of my grandma’s friends runs a camp for kids who want to learn English. She called him, and he said I could work there as a helper. I could start next week.
I didn’t want to go at all… I had worked so hard all year for good grades for what? To spend my summer dealing with annoying little kids?
Anyway… the next week came around. I had to be at the Reptár (airplane museum) at eight in the morning. Eight in the morning… Are you serious? Okay, whatever…
When I entered the Reptár, there was a guy. And no, it wasn’t my grandma’s friend. It was a guy around twenty years old with long brown hair. Longer than mine. His eyes were dark brown. I had never liked brown eyes before. But his? His eyes reminded me of a warm autumn day.
He was also really tall, like really, really tall. And one thing to know about me is that I’m tall too, and I’ve always been scared that I wouldn’t be able to wear heels when I got a boyfriend.
His mesmerizing appearance completely distracted me from the fact that there were, like, forty kids around me, all asking my name, my favourite colour, and my favourite animal.
I was playing with the kids under the warm sun, but the only thing on my mind was him. I needed to get to know him, but I was way too scared to talk to him.
Turns out, he was working there as a helper too. His dad was the one who ran the camp. That day, his dad sent us outside to play with the kids while the other half stayed inside to study English with him.
When we got outside, I was like, “Why don’t we play arm wrestling?” Every kid wanted to go against me, and I won against all of them. They weren’t too happy about that…
Annoyed that I had beat them all, the kids told me to go up against the mysterious guy whose name, apparently, was Tamás.
He held out his hand. I placed mine in his, and I felt it.
A spark.
It was like an electric shock running through my whole body, something I had never felt before.
I lost the game, but I didn’t care.
All I could think about was that spark. What was it?
Every day while I was working there, I made sure to dress up in cute clothes. I did my makeup neatly, but never overdid it, because I wanted him to like me for who I was. I put on my most expensive perfume, and by the end of the summer, it had completely run out. That scent still takes me back to last summer.
At camp, I only had small chats with him. (I wished they would last for centuries.) His voice was deep, and every time he spoke, it gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.
He was twenty-one years old. For some strange reason, that felt like a lot, even though I was seventeen. I tried to act mature in front of him, hoping it would make him like me, but the truth is, when I don’t act like myself, I feel like I can’t breathe. I still act like a twelve-year-old girl full of dreams and ambition.
One day, I was sitting with his dad. He told me that his son was at university and loved it but sometimes felt lonely.
Then his dad asked me if I could set him up with a girl.
I felt a mix of rage and jealousy rush through my veins.
I wanted to scream, “I’M RIGHT HERE!”
But instead, I just smiled and said, “My brother is the same age as him… maybe he could set him up with someone.”
Every day after camp, I went home thinking about how I could seem more mature, because he was twenty-one, and I was only seventeen, acting like a clueless little kid.
Then I made a decision.
I was going to act like myself.
Even if I seemed crazy, childish, or foolish I wanted him to like me for me.
And honestly? Acting like myself made everything so much easier. I feel like even when I’m seventy years old, I’ll still be the same. I’ll always be like this…
The small chats continued. I kept stealing glances at him, trying not to smile whenever I caught myself staring for too long.
Then, the last day of camp came around.
He wasn’t there.
Only his dad was.
I was so upset, but as I sat on a bench with his dad, I kept replaying every moment I had with him in my head.
For a moment, it was quiet. Then his dad spoke.
“My son likes you.”
That shock hit me again.
What was this?
All I could do was act surprised even though, on the inside, there were unicorns jumping around in my stomach.
His dad told me that he wanted to ask me out on a date but was too scared. He thought he was way too old for me, that I probably wanted a guy my own age.
And now… what do I do?
I don’t have him on social media.
I’ll probably never see him again.
He doesn’t even study in this city.
When am I going to see him next?
The camp ended.
School started.
He was gone.
I was done.
Everything went dark.
There wasn’t a single day when I didn’t think about him, about those electric shocks I felt whenever he was near.
Then my birthday came around.
It was February. I was at home with my friends when I saw it.
He added me.
A rainfall started. Happy tears appeared.
My friends had no idea what was wrong with me.
They were already sick of hearing his name, but not this time.
Then he texted me.
He wished me a happy birthday and asked how I had been doing.
And in that moment, I knew. That boy who reminds me of a Smiths song was sent from heaven to me.
I know how willy that sounds. I’m only eighteen. But some things… you just feel. You won’t understand it until you experience it yourself.
Ever since that message, we’ve been opening each other’s texts in a flash.
And that’s my story.
But I have to wrap it up now because
I have a date to go on.
Bye, everyone, and see you later, Tamás!
