(inspired by Lajos Nagy: Képtelen természetrajz)
Márk Gál
The Bear is an animal. It usually has four legs, a head (like most animals), and a body. If it’s wounded, it may have fewer legs or, in the worst case, less head. If the animal has these disabilities, it is not working properly, or else it is absolutely shut down.
The Bear can be: polar bear, grizzly, black bear, brown bear. (The panda is also “a bear,” but not “The Bear” in this context.) This determines where it lives, the repertoire of the food and a few traits.
The Bear is a carnivore. This means that it generally lives off of salmon, herbivores, other carnivores and you, in the case when you anger The Bear. If I were you, I wouldn’t annoy this mammal because its weight is between 600 and 1000 kilograms, while you are probably no more than 150 kilograms. It is going to tear you apart. Even if you manage to “win” by “defeating” The Bear, you have to contend with the laws and animal protectors, which cause financial problems, possible jail time, and other headaches that make your life more difficult and probably generate a tiny rage.
The Bear mostly lives in the forest, and its hideout is often a cave. When you enter The Bear’s house, don’t expect: sofas, armchairs, TV, oven (they eat meat raw) or any furniture.
By the way, The Bear is a solitary animal, so this creature is very introverted. So introverted that any unwanted visitor gets on the animal’s nerves, and as I said, this could lead to very problematic situations. Any living being that enters the apartment without knocking on the door (it has no doors) is considered an unwanted visitor, from The Bear’s perspective.
It is said that The Female Bear is a thoughtful mother. I have no idea how it can be even a mother when it can’t stand any living organism around itself, which is true for The Male Bear, too. (Probably the animal fertilizes itself.) The mother protects its cubs from everything and takes care of them, until they grow up. Then it sends them away to live their lives on their own to get some privacy. (I think lots of mothers should follow The Bear. They often just do the second part of the upbringing)
In sum, The Bear is a carnivore solitary mammal that lives mainly in forests and shouldn’t messed with. The Bear makes our nature more diverse and beautiful, and it can teach bad mums how to be good ones.